Parenting’s Latest Lingo

When I was growing up, parents were referred to as, well, parents. But nowadays, it is hard to keep up with the trendy terms to describe people who raise children. 

First there were helicopter parents, then lawnmower parents, and now we have snowplow parents. 

I wonder what the next machine metaphor will be. Since land and air vehicles have been covered, maybe submarine? Turns out there is one of those already.

Besides machines, there are animal and invertebrate types of parents. Do animals also gather around and coin terms for their parents? Would they say, “You are really acting like a human parent right now”? 

Maybe that could be the basis of the next Disney Pixar movie.  Until then, here is a cheat sheet of the latest lingo. 

THE ANIMAL/INVERTEBRATE PARENTS

Jellyfish Parent. A jellyfish parent is permissive and doesn’t create many rules or expectations. They often give in to avoid confrontation and lack a backbone, just like a jellyfish. 

How do you know you are acting like one? Your kid has been whining all day to eat their Halloween candy. Even though you know they can’t handle eating sugar, you hand over the bag and let them have at it. When they are running around the house, unable to go to sleep, you realize that saying “no” would have been easier than dealing with your current Tasmanian Devil. 

Tiger Parent. Tiger parents are strict and demanding. They prioritize academic and extracurricular success. 

How do you know you are acting like one? Your favorite show is Dance Moms, and you think the media has unjustly demonized the moms who are only trying to help their kids be on Broadway.

Elephant Parent. Elephant parents are the opposite of tiger parents (although I would have picked a koala bear or something cute and cuddly as the opposite). They focus on nurturing and encouraging instead of tough love and being demanding. These parents are protective of their young and intervene at the first sign of danger.

Sometimes these types of parents can be jellyfish-like in that they are permissive and lack boundaries. (Again not seeing the similarity to an actual elephant — maybe
I should help coin these terms.)

How do you know you are acting like one? Not only did you have a video cam on your baby’s bassinet, but you also situated the monitor directly next to your bed. At the first hint of a whimper, you sprang out of bed and placed your baby next to you, where you wanted the baby to be all along.

THE MACHINE PARENTS

Helicopter Parent. A helicopter parent is one who hovers over their child’s every move and helps when needed. They tend to worry a lot about their child.

How do you know you are acting like one? You hover next to your child as they eat a hotdog that has been cut into so many pieces that it resembles grains of sand on a beach instead of food. You then count the bites they consume to make sure they are receiving the proper nutrition. If they haven’t reached 15 bites, you tell them they need to eat one more bite before they leave the table.

Lawnmower Parent. Lawnmower parents are more aggressive than the helicopter parent. Like a lawnmower that cuts grass or anything in its path, the lawnmower parent mows away obstacles so their child doesn’t have to experience them.

 How do you know you are acting like one? When your kid calls, texts or sends a smoke signal to you that they forgot their lunch, you rush it over to the school faster than a FedEx delivery truck. Ditto for homework, sports equipment and a water bottle. The thought of your child lacking in hydration for five minutes sends you into a tailspin.

Snowplow Parent. The snowplow parent is more aggressive than a lawnmower parent since plowing requires more force than mowing. But they are similar in the sense that they remove any obstacles in their child’s way. The snowplow parent does not want their child to have to deal with problems, so the parent intervenes and fixes them.

I guess the people who reside in the cold weather wanted their own term since it is pretty much the same as the lawnmower parent — just, you know, more powerful. 

How do you know you are acting like one? You deliver your child’s forgotten jacket, mittens and hat to the school so that they can go outside for recess even though you are fully aware that they wore shorts and short sleeves to school. And you know they didn’t forget, but rather chose not to bring any of those items because they have no intention of wearing them.

Bulldozer Parent. See definition for Snowplow. This one is for the warmer-climate parents who were not happy with the lawnmower metaphor and wanted a more robust descriptor. They also never shoveled 15 feet of cold, wet snow in freezing temperatures, and therefore they don’t comprehend how powerful and savior-like a snowplow is when it clears the road. 

How do you know you are acting like one? Before your kid goes to the beach, not only do you pack sunscreen, towels, 10 water bottles and 100 snacks, you also apply the sunscreen to your teenager, who is fully capable of depressing the button on the sunscreen spray bottle.

SO WHICH ONE ARE YOU?

I’ll admit, I’ve probably exhibited symptoms of all these types of parents over the years. When you have three kids, you are going to resort to whatever works in the moment. So instead of referring to parents as machines or animals, maybe we can just call them what they are: superheroes.