Just Say Yes

“Can you play 18 games of Uno with me?” “Can my friends come over to play?” “Can we go to the park?”

In my head, the answer to each of these questions is a guttural groan of “no,” but that’s not what I say. What I say is “yes.”

By nature, I’m not a “yes” person; I’m a “leave me alone, I’m reading” person. But, when my daughter was very young, I made the decision that whatever she, and later my son, asked me — as long as I didn’t truly have a good reason to object — I’d say “yes.” There was no revelatory moment that changed my attitude, no poignant turning point when I made this decision. I just figured that, for my kids, I could be a “yes” mom.

Before you chime in to let me know what I’m doing is wrong here, let me assure you that there are PLENTY of good reasons to say “no.” Like, “Can I buy this $200 Lego set?” or “Can I not wear my seat belt?” or “Can we juggle these knives?”

Setting aside unnecessary purchases and dangerous behavior, I try to always say “yes” to time, experiences, and relationships. Being a “yes” mom demands more of me, but I hope that when my kids are grown, they’ll remember those endless games of Uno, the trips to the park, their friends who were always welcome in our house, and the demand on me will have been worthwhile.

Additionally, what I’ve found is that not only has being a “yes” mom felt good, but it has also changed my nature. Being a “yes” person may not have come naturally, but by changing myself for my kids, I’ve simply changed myself. If a friend asks me out for a cup of coffee, I say “yes”; if neighbors want to arrange an impromptu game night, I say “yes”; if a member of my book club reaches out and asks me to attend a weekend function, I say “yes.”

During the course of a given year, this “yes” approach tests my mettle, but I’ve found that it’s ultimately rewarding. Did I want to attend the Halloween costume party and hunt around, last minute, for my costume? No. Did my husband and I have a fun evening out without the kids? Yes, we did. Did I really want to buy “ugly sweaters” for the entire family in December? No. Did we have a fun, memorable time at the Ugly Sweater Party? We did! Did I really want to attend the work party at a colleague’s home? No. The thought of it filled me with dread and anxiety. Was it a great evening where I got the chance to meet new people and forge better relationships with those I already knew? Yes, yes I did!

So, I’ve found that when I can — if I have the time, opportunity, and if it doesn’t conflict with my values — I say “yes” in both parenting and in life.