Published: May 29, 2026
By: Louise Hajjar Diamond, M.S.
Research shows that engaged fathers can improve behavior, school success, self-esteem, and long-term empathy in their children — plus practical ways dads (and male role models) can stay connected during adolescence.
Dads play an essential and distinctive role in raising their children. Preteens and early adolescents who have consistent, loving and supportive relationships with their fathers have an increased chance of developing the skills needed for combating the negative influences of these difficult years.
Fathers Matter
The importance of fathers is apparent from an early age. Studies have shown that toddlers and young children whose fathers were highly involved were far less likely to disrupt play or hurt others than children whose fathers were less involved. Father-child interaction has been linked to a child’s physical well-being, perceptual abilities and competence in relating to others.
Surveys have shown that school-aged children whose fathers were actively involved in their education were far less likely to repeat a grade, enjoy school, earn good grades and participate in extracurricular activities.
In a longitudinal study lasting twenty-six years, researchers found that the most important factor in developing empathy and becoming more compassionate adults was paternal involvement. These individuals had fathers who spent time alone with their children, performing routine childcare. When a father is absent by choice, some children grow up feeling a void in their lives and perhaps abandoned, even if they are being raised by their mothers. In some cases, this incompleteness will not heal until the father-child relationship is somehow reconciled.
Successful Fathering
First, a father must be a constant in his children’s lives. Kids must feel a bonded connectedness with their dads for the greatest paternal impact. When children know their father is close by and will be there for them, their lives will be fuller and complete. Fathers need to be committed and in touch with their children – know their teachers, friends and their likes and dislikes.
Just as mothers’ roles evolve as their children grow, fathers’ roles do, too. While caring for babies and young children can be more straightforward, guiding adolescents is often more challenging. As children reach their middle years, they usually prefer spending time with friends instead of family. During this period, fathers need to recognize that their children still require their acceptance, guidance and support. Maintaining a strong relationship can be even more difficult for fathers who do not live with their children. However, making the effort to spend quality time together – especially by doing activities the children enjoy – can make a significant positive difference.
During the early adolescent years, girls who feel love and acceptance from their fathers are less likely to become sexually active. If young girls have a positive and meaningful relationship with their father, they are less likely to seek acceptance elsewhere such as in a sexual relationship with a boyfriend. Placing a high premium on education and self-worth will empower girls to have confidence and to set goals for the future. Girls whose mothers are accepted and loved unconditionally by their dads will learn to expect respect when they seek romantic relationships as women.
Boys look to their fathers for guidance and to be role models. Adolescent boys rely on their dads to teach them how to be confident and successful. The more active a father is in his son’s life, the greater the chance his son will grow up to be self-reliant, responsible, capable and happy.
Harry H. Harrison, Jr.’s lighthearted and inspiring book, Father to Son: Life Lessons on Raising Boys, offers simple reminders for dads about raising their sons. He includes lessons on teaching sons to believe in themselves, respect others and cope with the consequences of their mistakes. These are crucial lessons fathers can teach their children by their words and their actions.
Fathers should engage in productive, daily communication with preteens and adolescents. Dads should be actively involved in teaching kids the dangers of drugs, smoking drinking and other risky behaviors. Dads should never disrespect their child’s mother. Kids need their dads to help them figure out their own identity, build self-esteem and develop the tools to say no to harmful male influences.
Although the father-child relationship cannot be replaced or underestimated, if a father is deceased or otherwise absent, grandfathers, uncles, friends and stepfathers can also make valuable contributions to children’s development by serving as positive, involved male role models. Moms cannot be both mom and dad to their kids. Children need positive male role models in their lives to foster their self-esteem, self-confidence and identity.
Louise Hajjar Diamond, M. S. is a school counselor in South Florida, and the author of Creating the Balance: Parenting Through the Middle School Years.